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Published: December 21 2011

Buzz Fleischman fortlauderdaleconnex.com Columnist Page USA! We're Number 1...sort of.

Last year, we overtook France in importation of wine. Wine shipments into the United States were 330 million 12-bottle cases, compared to 321 million for the French.

Of course we have five times the population and way more three-day weekends to gulp at our local chain restaurants. Let's see, which wine goes well with endless bread sticks?

So you see, we're not all wine snobs here in America. We're happy drinking from a jelly glass. We don't have to go through the routines that separate the average drinker from the connoisseur.

Not every consumer gingerly holds the glass by the stem, swirls it to vaporize alcohol and release aroma, noting the viscosity and width of the syrupy legs as they slowly make their way south into the translucently rouge pool of nectar so that the initial palate sensation of oaky vanilla citrus teases the middle tongue into a reverie of delight.

No, we just spit that bit of cork from our lips and gulp something that will help us forget the fact that our new expensive health care policy defines breathing as a pre-existing condition.

Per capita though, the latest figures show that the French drank about 14 gallons per person. This fact alone makes eating snails a lot more palatable. For the year, that's over a gallon a month.

To an American, that's an average tailgate party. In America, that's a teaser. We can get dizzier just standing up after dinner.

On average we drink 2.6 gallons a year. We're not ahead per-capita, of course but as the economy worsens we seem to drink more and more – at least 1 percent a year for the past 17 straight years. OK, not straight.

At this rate we should catch them by Thanksgiving 2013 if they drink slower and we drink faster.

Buzz Fleischman, a South Florida humorist and satirist, writes and voices The Radio Buzz on WLRN, the NPR affiliate in South Florida. He is a Public Speaker, Master of Ceremonies, Roast-Master and Fun Auctioneer. To reach Buzz, visit his website at www.theradiobuzz.com or send him an e-mail at buzzme@bellsouth.net.