fiorina hugs cruz

A spokesperson for the devil has filed suit in federal court to enjoin John Boehner from further referencing Ted Cruz as "Lucifer in the flesh.”

Satanists around the country rose up in ‘righteous indignation’ at Boehner’s slight. “It’s not right that they drag the devil down to Cruz’s level of detestability. We’re a very small group, but at least there are more of us than those who’ll tolerate Cruz.”

“He certainly is not Lucifer, said the devil’s attorney, “Ted Cruz is giving Lucifer a bad name. Cruz is like, the worst person to compare the devil with. No one likes Cruz, not even that Fiorina person and he chose her as his running mate. How screwed up is that? Of course the devil is horrible, repulsive, evil, wicked, mean and nasty but he’s no Ted Cruz.”

Carli Fiorina’s campaign tweeted “He’s odious, but not that bad. I’m talking about the devil.”

Even Jim Cummings, the Congressional elevator operator steps out when Cruz gets in. “I can smell the Sulphur when that man walks into the elevator and no amount of Aqua Velva will help.”

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