Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page If you're reading this on your iPhone while driving, it's just your luck that of the approximately 90,000 drivers in Southeast Florida who had to go to driving school last year, two or three are within a car length of you right now.

Driving school is as useless as a Congressional ethics conference.

That's not all. The State of Florida now says there may be a written test after driving school. The difference is that in regular school, if you flunk the course, you suffer; in driver's school if you flunk the course, the rest of us suffer.

The average Florida driver has enough on his/her mind -- with texting, eating a chili burrito and flipping off other drivers -- without having to think about the rules of the road.

In keeping with our commitment to stay off the roads as much as possible during rush hour, which shall be defined as 'any time,' we offer this test to sharpen one's skills.

Don't get nervous, they're all multiple choice. Here we go.

When applying lipstick while driving one should:

A, Stay within the lip lines

B, Stay within the road lines

C, Stay within the lines of good taste.

To 'merge' is to:

A, alternate cars into one lane

B, alternate lanes with one car

C, alternate form of transportation

Upon seeing a Hummer coming up in the rear view mirror you should:

A, Laugh to yourself because you're ahead of him

B, Laugh because his full tank costs the equivalent of a dinner at Joe's Stone Crab.

C, Stop laughing and get the hell out of the way!

Can a person operate a farm vehicle such as a tractor on a public highway?

A, Only if he's drag racing a Honda on U.S. 27

B, Only if it's rush hour

C, Only when the chicken feathers are finding their way into your window

A stop sign means:

A, Slow down to 10 miles per hour as you go through it

B, Slow down to 5 miles per hour as you go through it

C, Where's a cop when you need one.

The definition of an unsecured load is:

A, It falls off when you take off

B, It falls off at a speed hump

C, Uou fall off the bar stool

When the light changes from green to yellow you should:

A, Hit the gas

B, Slow down and stop for the red

C, Panic, because there's a tailgating yahoo behind you who doesn't care what yellow means and will probably shove you into the intersection

What is an acceptable form of identification when you are stopped for an infraction?

A, Your graduation picture

B, An international license

C, A folded picture of Benjamin Franklin

The turn signal, a way to indicate when you make a turn, is:

A, Located on the steering column

B, Covered with dust

C, As useful as your appendix

The four-way flasher device is used:

A, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped.

B, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped

C, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped; get it?

The size of a speeding, weaving motorcyclist's brain is:

A, A walnut

B, A pea

C, What brain?

A bicycle rider going through a stop sign without stopping, thereby actually making you stop at your stop sign for fear of hitting them, is:

A, legal

B, carefree

C, Caught up in their iPod

To control your temper in traffic you should:

A, Count to ten and breathe deeply

B, Visualize world peace

C, Visualize the other driver having his license revoked

When going through fog what should you use:

A, Your fog lights

B, your flashers

C, your car

What is the difference between a flashing red light and a flashing yellow light?

A, the color

B, A special in aisle 5 at K-Mart

C, A flashing yellow light means you're not getting pulled over

An aggressive driver should:

A, drink less café Cubano

B, Stick to a bike

C, Stick to walking

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