Let's Eat

Dining out?

Before you make that reservation, take a minute to ponder what you have a right to expect when you walk into the restaurant.

But while you're getting ready to whet your appetite, give some thought to what the restaurant can expect of you, too.

Here are some tips, for both customers and servers, gleaned from more than 20 years of dining at and reviewing restaurants, and with much input from wait staffs, restaurant owners and dining companions:

What I, as a member of the restaurant staff, have a right to expect from the customer:

Arrive on time if you made a reservation, maybe even a few minutes early. If you can't be here when you said you would, call ahead. We had a deal.

You're paying for a meal, and you can expect good service, but you don't own me. I'm a professional, trying to do a good job. If you're surly, you won't get my best. If you're in a bad mood, maybe you should have stayed at home.

I don't want to rush you, but study the menu a bit before you order. And I'll be glad to answer questions. But don't chatter on forever with your friends, then make me stand around while you finally decide to take a look at the menu. You have some responsibility here, too.

Don't make up your own menu. Some changes, like rice instead of potatoes or leaving off the onions, the restaurant can probably handle. But if you don't like anything at all on the menu, maybe you should go somewhere else.

Don't send back wine if you just happen not to like it. If you don't know that a Cabernet Sauvignon can be tannic, well, this isn't a wine tasting. Do your homework, and be willing to explore.

Don't snap your fingers at me, or call me Garcon, or sweetie. Ever. If I'm any good at my job, all you have to do is catch my eye. I'll be there as soon as I can.

Never touch me. Especially if I'm a young female and you're an older guy who's had a drink or two.

Don't expect me to entertain your kids; if I do, tip me for the babysitting in addition to the food service.

Even if this is a place aimed specifically at kids or families, take squalling tots outside to calm them down. They disrupt other customers. Me, too. Hire a babysitter next time; you'll enjoy dining out more.

Don't talk too loudly and disturb other guests. And no cell phones at the table! If you absolutely have to use your phone, take it outside. You're dining out because it's supposed to be a pleasure and we're giving you our attention. Give us yours.

I'll try very hard to bring your meal with dispatch, but understand that sometimes things will get delayed. Try to relax, enjoy the downtime.

Try very hard not to blame and punish me for the food if you dislike it. If your meal is truly bad, tell me right away and we can take it up with the kitchen.

Don't send something back after you've eaten a quarter of it.

I'll try not to rush you, and you certainly have the right to linger a bit and savor the experience. But after you've finished your meal and that last cup of coffee, start getting ready to leave. That's especially true if the restaurant is busy.

Tip 18 to 20 percent, on top of the tax. Don't be a cheapskate. There's a lot of debate about not tipping on tax. Just do it, only 18 percent if that makes you feel better. But 20 percent is so much easier to calculate!

Tell me ahead of time if your party is going to split the bill. And don't split more than three ways if you're in a group. And do it evenly. I hate to do your math.

No verbal tipping. If I gave you great service, it's great to tell me. I'll appreciate it a lot. But show me the money, too.

I took care of you, now you take care of me.

What I have a right to expect as a restaurant customer

A greeting, and a sincere one, when I arrive. Even if it's a casual place.

Get me seated at the time I reserved. If you can't, give me something to drink, or even something to nibble. We had a deal.

Give me a seat I like if at all possible. Would you want to sit right next to the kitchen's swinging doors? If the seat I want is not in your assigned section but some other waiter's, I really don't care. Let me sit where I want.

Turn down the music, please. Yes, we know there's a trend in some restaurants to manufacture a vibe with a din of sound that bounces off hard surfaces -- and requires shouting to communicate with your dining companions. Most people – and not all are old fuddy duddies – prefer to keep the music in the background, as a pleasant, soothing sound track that enhances the meal rather than competes with it.

Make sure I have clean cutlery, plates and glasses. If I find old lipstick on my wine glass or egg on my fork, I'm within my rights to immediately take a hike unless you can somehow assure me this is not a reflection of general uncleanliness. Apologize and bring me something clean immediately. And I still may not be entirely convinced.

Speaking of cleanliness, make sure the bathrooms are clean. And well stocked with paper, soap and towels. If the bathroom is not up to par, I'm going to have to assume the rest of the operation is not, either.

Offer to bring water, without my asking, first thing. Then we can decide if it's to be tap, bottled still or one of those fizzers that will cost more. Don't be snooty if I opt for plain old tap water.

Throughout this experience, refill my water glass – and with ice – when there's about a third remaining. Don't make me ask. If my dining companions leave their water untouched, don't assume you can ignore the camels like me.

Be able to describe the food, the ingredients and how it's prepared. But don't drone on forever. And don't get annoyed if I ask you to repeat something, especially about specials that aren't listed.

Tell me the price of the specials, without making me ask. I don't want an unpleasant surprise when the bill arrives.

If I order a second bottle of the same wine, give me a fresh glass so I can swirl and taste the second, too. Don't just pour the new atop the old. Ritual is important.

I can indeed send back the wine if it's truly skunky. Don't automatically assume I'm a lout; I may in fact know what I'm talking about.

Don't tell me "good choice" when I order. If you want to tell me it's one of the restaurant's most popular dishes, fine. And if you, in your personal experience, think a particular offering is not so good, be honest and tell me so. I'll really appreciate that.

Don't rush me, but do bring my courses in a timely manner. If there's a delay, let me know why.

Bring fresh silverware between courses. Don't ever take my used silverware off the plate, where I left it for a reason, and put it on the table to be used again.

Give me friendly, but not obsequious, service from start to finish. Don't say "absolutely" and "no problem." If I want know your life story, I'll ask. Don't tell me jokes unless they're good jokes and you're really, really good at telling them. And don't expect me to necessarily remember your name.

Bring the bill promptly, but don't rush me. If I'm still sipping my wine or coffee, and if our table is still animated and having fun, give us a little more time.

If the restaurant automatically adds a tip, tell me up front. Yes, I know that information usually is indicated on the menu, but often it's in tiny type and can be easily overlooked. If you add a tip then I add my own tip without knowing you've already got yours, you're cheating me and you know it.

Take care of me and I'll take care of you.