Prime advertising space is getting harder to find than the mental compass of some Presidential candidates.

We started seeing ads covering buildings, in menus and on airplanes. That means finding every available space to try and sell you something, but after a few drinks in first class, has anyone ever ordered a garden gnome from the in-flight ad magazine?

A certain airline will now sell the blank space on their airsickness bags. When you feel the need to use one, do you want to read about Pepto-Bismol or take it?

The in-flight announcements will change:

“This is your Captain speaking. On behalf of American United Airlines welcome aboard flight one two four to London, where tickets to the West End production ‘Iron Lady’ the story of Margaret Thatcher starring Marty Feldman, is available from our cabin crew, all graduates of the ‘Fly by Night and Day Academy ‘When you want a career dealing with cramped and hungry people.’

“Since this is snack flight, a complimentary tiny package of Sun Maid Raisins and Planters Peanuts will be your dinner, so you may want to stop at Jimmies Bangers and Mash located just outside the airport. Make a left at Avis Rent-A Car. Avis; whether you’re a business client or an ordinary traveler, we’ll still charge you 7 dollars a gallon to fill it up.

Folks, Weather dot com tells us today’s flight will take us through clear skies but if for some unforeseen reason it does get rough, start reciting the ‘Prayer a Day’ message in your seat pocket brought to you by the ‘Brothers of the Skies Ministries’.

Our takeoff is sponsored by the law firm of Smith Schwartz and Schmutz. If anyone can get you off better than American United, it’s us! Smith Schwartz and Schmutz; getting people off for 25 years.

Our flight crew will instruct you in case of a loss of cabin pressure if we do lose pressure, that loss will be underwritten by Xanax. ‘Don’t worry, be happy with Xanax.’