Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page. It looks like prime advertising space is getting harder to find than good writing on a network sitcom.

Ads permeate the landscape from giants that take up the sides of buildings to the bathroom walls. Tivo came along, commercials were axed and advertisers had to get more creative. We started seeing ads in menus and even on airplanes. When airline expenses rose they looked for ways to improve the bottom line. That means finding every available space to try and sell you something.

I just read about a certain airline that sells the blank space on their airsickness bags.

I guess that up to now no one really wanted to put their brand name where you may get sick all over it. Aside from Dramamine, I couldn't think of a product that would want to utilize that space. So what's next?

We might start to hear in-flight announcements like:

"This is your Captain speaking. On behalf of United American Airlines welcome aboard flight one two four to London, where tickets to the West End production of The David Cameron story starring Marty Feldman is available from our cabin crew, all graduates of the 'Fly by night flight academy who say "When you want a career that will take you places, see us!"

Except for first class, this is a snack flight. A complimentary tiny package of Sun Maid Raisins and Planters Peanuts will be your dinner, so after the flight you may want to stop at Willy's Bangers and Mash located just outside the airport on the M-1 Make a left at Avis Rent-A Car.

Folks; weather dot com assures us the flight today will take us through clear skies, but if it does get rough, watch the recorded message on the SONY screens in front of you prior to takeoff. Our takeoff is sponsored by the law firm of Smith, Schwartz and Schmutz. 'If anyone can get you off better than American United, it's us!'

Our flight crew will instruct you on what to do in case of a loss of cabin pressure or other such emergency. Incidentally if we do lose pressure, that loss will be underwritten by Xanax. 'Don't worry, be happy with Xanax.'

One thing I wouldn't worry about would be the possible side effects or allergic reactions like difficulty breathing closing of the throat swelling of the lips, face or tongue. Those would be due to the lack of oxygen, not the Xanax. The side effects of the Xanax could include hallucinations, severe confusion or changes in vision. And if you do experience a change in vision go to the Seymor Butts optometry clinic located on the mezzanine level when you deplane.

Lesser side effects could include dizziness or clumsiness; depression, dry mouth or changes in behavior. On the other hand those symptoms could occur from the panicked look on the crew's faces if the plane hits an air pocket. Did I mention they're graduates of the Fly by Night Academy?

So sit back, relax and enjoy the movie, Snakes on a plane, a high concept horror/action film released by New Line Cinema. Hope you enjoy! I'm busy taking instrument readings in the cockpit of this Boeing 767 so this message was recorded earlier today in the 'World of Audio' studios where 'Audio production is king'. Oh, by the way, when you start drinking, please try to have the correct change for the crew, they're graduates of the ........you know.

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