Buzz Fleischman fortlauderdaleconnex.com Columnist Page Remember when you waited in line outside the Big BoxMart just to get the best deal on that all-in-one popcorn maker/wine corker/coffee bean grinder? Ahh, memories!

Yes, the holiday gift season is upon us, and that means you'll start paying for the gifts you bought one and two years ago.

By this time you've already forgotten what you bought them so when you make the payments you don't even have the residual good feeling. You're just shelling out!

We've had black Friday, Cyber Monday, pay back Tuesday and thank-God-it's-over-Wednesday-just-let-me-enjoy-the-holidays.

And re-gifting is fun -- until you get one back.

Yes, the holidays are time for commerce, and for giving thanks the boss drank more than anyone else at the holiday party. That makes things easier for the rest of us!

But what do the holidays really mean for South Floridians? No, not just the chance to think about the New Year's resolutions you'll break halfway through January.

The holidays also mean: tourists.

Tourists have braved air travel to get here and let us welcome them to South Florida and all we have to offer. (The definition of a tourist, by the way, is someone who wants to get away from their day-to-day schedule to be in a different locale, with a more expensive day-to-day schedule.)

Here, from a native, are some guidelines for our tourist friends to help make their visits memorable.

* To enjoy us 24/7, drinks lots of -- and repeat after me -- cafecito and cortadito. The drinks that never let you say, "I'm tired, just drop me off at the hotel." If you're used to paying $4.95 for a Latte Grande Gigunda, just see what a tiny cup of café Cubano will do. No need to use Sweet and Low, Equal or Splenda; you'll get a rush just seeing the amount of sugar going into the mix. If you want to enjoy the taste for a few hours, don't chase it with the optional water.

* Take out your checklist and see if you have you have your SPF 784. Don't worry, the white goop will not identify you as a tourist; your black socks and shorts will. Did you bring flip flops? What about children, did you remember to bring the children?

* Get ready for 13 days and 14 nights of adventure, thrills and the traffic you brought with you.

* For one of the more interesting sights, go on a trip to the Everglades for an airboat ride; but don't get your hair done first.

* Get a map of where the stars used to live before they cashed out and moved to Asheville to get away from the astronomical windstorm insurance rates and, even though they traveled by limo, the traffic.

* Enjoy the local dishes. Anything with eyes is good to eat if it has been boiled in oil for at least 10 minutes.

* Pay more for one drink than you pay for a whole bottle up North in any number of places you will barely be able to get into on South Beach because of the way you dress, and chalk it up to being on vacation.

* Don't worry if it rains and the power goes out. Remember, you're in the tropics and these things happen. Pretend you're on a small island in the Caribbean, and soon you'll get back to the civilization you know and trust.

Remember these things and we'll see you next year same time, same hotel, higher rates.

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