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Published: December 17 2013

Let’s gather around the Yule fire in the Spirit of the holidays and sing a song that reflects what has become the focus of the season.

Let’s do this right. First, we have to obtain a fireplace which we can purchase at ‘Fireplaces ‘R’ Us’. We’ll make the trip to Lowes or Home Depot for Colorful ‘yule logs’ to burn.

We’ll visit a big box retailer and stock up on some festive holiday themed glassware. While we’re there we might as well pick up some trays for the hors D oeuvres. Off to the market for the fixin’s and assorted soda, egg nog and other mixers. OK, some small pickles, a 40% cashew mix (After all, it is the holidays. You can’t just give them peanuts) and various cheeses.

Try not to buy the colorful 2 foot wooden nutcracker, prominent in the giant sized nut display. It will mark you as a compulsive shop-a-holic.
The dopamine rush that buying a new nutcracker brings, is balanced by the ‘let down’ you feel as soon as the box is opened. Anticipation of a reward releases spurts of dopamine in the ‘I’ve got to have that’ portion of the brain which is driving sales this season.

We’ll then need to fill those glasses with a potent brew which we can purchase at any number of fine liquor stores and reminisce about the ‘good old days’ when Christmas displays in the stores were set up in early December.

To the tune of ‘Jingle Bells’ it’s called ‘Jingle Bills’ and it’s in the key of ‘C’ note.

Dashing through the mall     Credit card in hand    let’s find all the sales
and spend at least a ‘Grand’

Waiting at the door    loaded with caffeine        waiting here since 2AM 
to grab that big flat screen

Ohhhhhhhh…

Jingles sell   jingles sell     advertising works      I’m buying gifts for relatives
some of whom are jerks

Jingles sell   jingles sell    just you wait and see    when bills come due     they’ll find you  
as deep in debt as me

Thanksgiving Day got here      postponed the family meal     I let the turkey sit there
cause I’ll kill to get that deal

Entering the mall   credit card to pay    hope I bought it all
and will this headache go away?

Ohhhhhhhhh…

Jingles sell and I’ve been sold    I’ll spend what I have not   my wallets flat my saving’s
gone my credit line is shot

Jingles sell    jingles sell      my shopping cart is full     I watched all of the TV ads
 But didn’t catch the bull

It started long ago     before Halloween    catalogues and flyers
 in an endless stream

Who did I forget?   I’ll check the gifts I got   Lord please help me find my car
in this huge parking lot

Ohhhhhhhhh…

Jingle bills jingle bills       I know they’ll come some-day            by then I hope my
shopping headache will have gone away! © N. Fleischman 2013

New Year’s resolutions are about quitting something. I’ve decided to quit shopping!

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