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Published: July 31 2012

Queen Elizabeth (UPI Photo/Hugo Philpott)Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page. In England, they love the Royals. Don’t you wish you could be a ‘Royal’?

You can! But don’t be the wrong kind.

In today’s world there are numerous opportunities for one to be an ‘ARPITA’. (A Royal Pain in the A--) Don’t confuse the term with an Akita. An Akita is a large breed of dog originating from the northern mountainous region of Japan. An Akita can be an ARPITA but an ARPITA cannot be an Akita. It depends on the training.

Is it hard for an ordinary person to become an ‘ARPITA’? How is this description different from a regular PITA or are you merely a ‘Pain’? These are the three ‘main levels’ of bothersome activity. As you see, there are degrees of ‘bother’ and the tolerance we have to ‘those people’ is becoming less and less.

We’ve had it with the businessman nobody wants to work with, the person nobody wants to hang with and the boss everybody quits on.

To what lengths does one have to go, to be the sandpaper of social interaction?

You may not be aware that one’s tics are the bane of other’s lives. This doesn’t mean we’re more sensitive to these issues than anyone else, it just means we don’t want to put up with people chewing ice cubes when they’ve finished their drink.

Who are these people? Just like you and me, they let their little ‘tics’ intrude into other people’s lives just like ‘pop up ads that have no ‘X’ to get rid of them.

We put up with people’s tics because we’re married, or attached in some way. If unattached, how to cope? There’s no ‘Delete’ button for bad behavior. What if they can’t stop their aberrant behavior? Is it an addiction?

Like a mosquito landing on your arm bent on sucking some life-force on an otherwise happy-go-lucky day, here you are cheerfully going on about your business when out of nowhere comes a knuckle cracker absentmindedly going about their ‘cracking’. They don’t even realize they’re doing it. By the time you’ve made up your mind to say something, the elevator has stopped at their floor. They’re as annoying as a ‘robo-call’.

Gum poppers fall into the same category. So do key rattlers and change janglers. Not to mention coffee slurpers (Although it does help to cool it off) and throat clearers. These are some of the human beings that make our lives just a little less livable. On a scale of only slightly annoying (Texting with greasy fingers) to the insane (listening to someone behind you in the movies whispering in their cell phone so only you hear it) it’s the little things that are pushing sane folks over the edge. Did I mention people who chew gum with their mouth open?

In a related new study, constantly sucking air through your teeth could lead to dwindling marital bliss.

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