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Published: July 01 2012

Free jumping from the top will not be a ‘ride’ in Dubai-LandQuestion:
You’re the ‘Sheik/Pashsa/Overlord of a very wealthy middle eastern country and your oil reserves are expected to be depleted in 20 years, what do you do?

A, Have your solid gold Bentley adjusted for regular gas

B, Develop a market for a 6 ton hour glass that only needs to be turned once a year.

C, Take 3 billion square feet of desert and turn it into Dubailand, a colossal complex of theme parks, malls and model cities and with it, develop a thriving tourist industry.

I thought tourism in the desert ended with Moses. Dubailand, will be a three-billion-square-foot fantasyland. To put it in perspective, it’s more than 68,000 acres or slightly larger than Donald Trump’s ego.

Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page Dubai realizes that an ordinary theme park will not draw visitors to a desert that averages over 100 degrees of heat a day, so one of the attractions will have to be  Achmed’s Wonderful World of Air conditioning’.

For the rest, and based on the entrance fee, the first ride in the park will be “Honey, I shrunk your wallet’. The ride signage may be changed from ‘You must be this tall to ride’ to ‘You must be this rich to ride’. International tourists will rely on gas and oil to get there so in a way, it helps pay for itself. They’ll have to market to families like the 19 is enough Duggars family, the Octomom’s football team and

For the average large family it will be slightly less than the cost of red lipstick for ‘Flo’, the Progressive car insurance actress.

Some of the rides and attractions will have to be adjusted for the region.

The 7 dwarfs are gone because now, it’s Snow White and the Seven Veils.  She dances with Cinderella in a Mideast review called Bibbidy Bobbidy Boom!

Click your heels three times and find yourself in Narnia and a lunchtime visit to the Little Mermaid Fish and Chips restaurant. Children will delight in not only finding Nemo, but fileting and sautéing him with chips on the side. A truly exciting and interactive exhibit/restaurant for aspiring chefs.

The Main Street parade will feature the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party:  You’ll be given a sign with a slogan and chant as you demonstrate against all the other rides.

Pirates of the Caribbean can take a lesson from the truly authentic pirates of the Arabian Sea. You’ll be issued a real gun to take pot shots at real live pirates. If you’re taken hostage, well, now you’re in Adventure-Land!

It’s Ishmael’s World after all

www.dubailand.ae

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