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Published: June 12 2012

Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page. Listening in rapt attention, I sat there as songs like ‘From a Distance’, ‘Tonight’ from the classic musical West Side Story and ‘What a ‘Wonderful World’ were performed in lush orchestral arrangements by full symphonies.

There were more show tunes and movie themes bringing back memories which calmed and befriended you in your time of need, almost as good as a free sample of Prozac. But it didn’t stop there. The great masters of music; Handel, Schubert, Mozart, Brahms, I heard them all one day last week. Was I at a concert? No. Was it pre-programmed digital cable? No. Did I purchase a ‘Rod Stewart Sings the Classics’ CD? No!

It was a time for reflection and the only thing that punctuated this reverie were the pre-recorded dulcet tones of a woman’s voice who said, “All of our agents are still busy. Your call will be answered in the order it was received. We do appreciate your business. Please continue to hold”.

45 minutes of ‘on hold’ music from my cable company, that’s a long time. What could I have accomplished in these 45 wasted minutes? Had lunch, bowled three frames; I could have found Jimmy Hoffa!

The way they picked the music was a stroke of genius. Subliminally, it could have worked on the average viewer, but with someone seething with anger over the fact that 5 stations had disappeared and turned into a TV Guide, songs like ‘You Needed Me’ and ‘The Way We Were’ held other more sinister meanings.

 Yes, the channels disappeared just as mysteriously as the rate increase appeared. Comedy Central was banished into the ozone yet some credible comic material could still be found on C-Span.

I finally spoke with a representative who scheduled a service call. After hanging up I realized I needed to change the date. What would they think if I wasn’t home to greet them with a smiling face? Would they get mad at me? I figured if they called I better get some music set up to play on the answering machine that would calm and soothe them. I selected ‘Don’t Be Cruel’, I Can’t Get No Satisfaction’ and ‘Where Did Our Love Go’?

I ended with the most appropriate song I could find, the theme from ‘Shaft’!

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