Details

Published: October 04 2012

There’s a group of people who have been maligned, cursed at and looked down upon. No it’s not Congress. They are average everyday citizens like you and me. There are more of them than the combined numbers of the A.A.R.P., AFL CIO and A.S.P.C.A. and with a group this huge you would expect their impact to be larger than the Oil lobby.

But no, my friends they are scattered, individual and without representation, but if they should band together and act as one, their influence would reach into all our lives in a significant way.

Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page. Who are they? They’re the largest unregulated, unrepresented and leaderless group of our fellow Americans.

Yes, these are the bad drivers; people who get yelled at in traffic for cutting in front of you at the exit, coasting through a stop sign or driving slower than you in the left lane. Enough with the disrespect! Why not band together and unionize?

You can do this, you wreck-less drivers you! Does it matter if you don’t have a license? That hasn’t stopped you from driving so far. Does it matter that you don’t know the ‘so called ‘rules of the road’? Of course not! Does it matter that your ego prevents you from letting anyone in front of you? No!

All you need is a vehicle, a smart phone and a ‘me first attitude’ and you can join the Drivers On Headphones, The D.O.H. or DoH! (Think Homer Simpson)

Every time someone says, ‘Doh’ they’ll be saying your name!  So spread the word far and wide!

Once you form a union, you’ll have the clout to say, ‘who are you to tell me how to drive’? Yes, banding together means never having to say “yes, officer, that was me”. Imagine having someone who drives just like you, represent you in court. Male bonding will take on a new meaning.

You’re not the Elks the Moose or the Lions, but you are animals nonetheless. What separates you from us? How about the law?

There’ll be no dues, no slogans and most importantly, no messy rules and regulations to memorize. Instead of an official handshake, you’ll only use one finger.

Starting a scholarship fund for traffic school might not be a bad idea.

The initiation for new members will simply be a trip on the highway, any highway because your brothers, yes and your sisters are there. They’ll be watching you and when you do something stupid on the road and hear a DOH loud and clear, you’ll know you’ve made an impact.

Now you’ll all be equal on the road; from the hybrid to the Hummer, the slow boat to the speedster. Every time a hotshot on a motorcycle zips in and out of traffic, you can, as an observer, and in the sanctity of your own car simply open the window and shout out DOH! They may not hear you but they know who they are. DOH!!!