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Published: February 07 2012

Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page We would like to inform the public about a silent chiller sure to strike.

Spheno Palatine Gangleoneuralgia can strike with little warning, yet there has been no research, no medical funding and worst of all, like Natural Causes Research, no telethon.

Though not quite a recognized disease, nor studied in medical schools, this malady strikes instantly, although with some warning, and leaves almost as mysteriously as it appears. Brief and intense, it hurts and incapacitates, leaving the victim to grimace in pain, grab and rub the head, throat or neck. This silent chiller will attack young or old, cutting across age groups as it cuts across your brain.

SPG affects those on hot days when they choose to gulp a seemingly innocent Slurpee, Slushee or frappe. Cool relief suddenly turns into pain as Brain Freeze rears its frigid head. Brain freeze, also known as ice cream headache, is not as popular as a major illness for an excuse to miss work or school, but if spoken of by its medical name it can help, as in, "Hey boss, I had some Spheno Palatine Gangleoneuralgia yesterday and I'm still not right, I'll be in tomorrow." They don't want to admit they don't know what it is, so you're safe.

Scientifically speaking, when something very cold touches the center of the palate, a useless area on the roof of the mouth, it sets off certain nerves that control the blood flow to your head. Pay attention now because your head contains much of the vital thinking the body needs to function, like when do I eat, sleep and buy things on sale I can't afford.

This cold rush may be interpreted by the brain as the nerves saying, "Hey, did I just eat an ice floe?" The brain hears this and constricts the blood vessels in the area like an angry parent cutting off your allowance and you don't know why. When these vessels dilate with increased flow, it causes pain. Not the children, your blood vessels.

The kind of pain you'd like to do something about but can't, like when there's a riot in Greece, kicking Europe's banking system in the groin and causing the stock market to overreact.

Blood flow is as important to brain function as oil flow is to BP's bottom line. When you start losing either one it's painful.

An interesting note: the 25th anniversary of DQ's Blizzard coincides with the onset of many occurrences of Spheno Palatine Gangleoneuralgia. Does anyone see a pattern here?

People take Nexxium as a preventative when they know they're going to eat something that disagrees with them. But when you get greedy with Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch the silent chiller strikes.

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