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Published: January 27 2012

Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page It what may be the biggest change since Goofy saw an orthodontist for his overbite, Disney is allowing facial hair for cast members. (Eyebrow spikes are still out.)

The clean-cut, all-American look that Walt Disney demanded of his employees for more than 55 years has reached Tomorrowland®. The Disney empire has decreed that goatees and beards can now appear on the faces of their employees.

Things change.

Disney wants to build a theme park in Shanghai, China. It's about time.

The last themed attraction the Chinese built was a Great Wall, and walking it wasn't like going on a carousel. You paid your money, got on as a child and 4,000 miles later, you were an adult. Kind of takes the breath out of middle age doesn't it?

But you've got to hand it to them, it was the ultimate step aerobic. The whole country was walled in, which we think of as not being good for tourism, although in those days the tourists wouldn't just come and then go, they would come and stay. And take over.

Now, Disney, which has taken the very essence of a country and turned it into a souvenir shop, wants to build in China.

As the most populous nation on Earth, certainly 'it's a small world' has no meaning for them unless they're talking about their Olympic gymnastics team. They are now more open to the rest of the world, but since the overly industrious Chinese people work 18 hours a day 364 days a year, they don't really have a lot of spare time to go on vacation or even visit a theme park. How would Disney get the locals to come out?

Let's see... They work all the time and don't go on vacation, but they all have to eat soooo... What makes the best sense here is to operate not as a theme park but as a giant theme restaurant.

Disney needs to do some marketing to get Chinese people to start relating to a mouse as entertainment as opposed to the next course, because to some comfort food consists of eating everything with four legs except the table.

What would really work is combining the rides and restaurants in a food theme.

We're talking about food that is not so far removed from our own food pyramid guidelines, because tourists will go there, too. Some Oriental food is so exotic that it falls under the alternative energy category because we'd want to burn it as fuel, not eat it. Think Sweet and Sour Cicada.

Americans travel to foreign countries and often wind up at the local McDonald's for a familiar menu. In other words, tourists don't want to go on Mr. Toad's wild ride and then eat one. They want to enjoy the more familiar food groups and they'll have them here, with a twist. You're only young once at Peter Pan's Pot-sticker Paradise.

Sit down at a table in Donald's House of Horrors and through the magic of Disney, he morphs into Peking Duck before your very eyes. It comes with a side of Huey Dewie and Egg Drop Louie.

To round out the lunch menu, try the many adventures of Winnie the Pooh Pooh Platter.

Now you're ready to go out and have some fun -- but what to call this new destination?

Instead of 'Mickey Mouse' they could they go retro and call it 'Maos Mickey' so there wouldn't have to be a lot of marketing to tell them what it is. Not like Euro Disney in France where in that type of service-oriented business they had staffing problems. They had to remind Goofy to put out the cigarette while meeting kids and Minnie's fishnet stockings were causing dirty old men to hit on her too much. Besides, they just couldn't close down the park when the entire staff put in for the month long August vacation.

I think the concept of 'food as theme park' is brilliant because its Chinese food, they'll all be hungry again in an hour, so why go home?

Just change the signs that say "you must be this tall to ride" to "You must be this hungry to eat the Country Bear Jamboree Jambalaya." It's a small portion after all!