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Published: April 17 2012

Buzz Fleischman - Columnist Page. School authorities in the State of Florida were puzzled Monday, when oxygen levels decreased dramatically in their class rooms. This was discovered as hundreds, if not thousands of teachers reported 'en masse' to school nurses that "It was hard to breathe in there".

It was made more difficult for them when they realized school nurses had been cut the previous year and all they had was a half empty first aid kit that didn't even have an aspirin.

After conferring with leading scientists, it was confirmed that the change coincided with the exact moment students opened their FCAT tests and collectively sucked all the air out of the room.

The 'pounding' teachers reported hearing 'in the distance' was the student's hearts throbbing heavily in their chests as they grasped the concept of running from the room and winding up a non-union stock clerk or running for Congress.

Since school officials have implemented higher state standards, the test, which is administered to 3rd through 10th grades have weighed heavily on teachers whose pay raises and possible jobs are on the line.

Preparations for the test began on the first day of the school year when scientists from the Los Alamos National laboratory were called in to brief the trembling 3rd grade students on all aspects of nuclear particle research and quantum physics. Of course they were given the information on a third grade level which school administrators all agreed was OK.

The 'grade appropriate' lessons began with "If Johnny had 6 electrons that could only orbit the nucleus in particular circular orbits with fixed angular momentum and energy, and Betty took 3, how would her electrons not spiral into the nucleus?

Answer: Because they could not lose energy in a continuous manner; instead, only make instantaneous "quantum leaps" between the fixed energy levels.

Teachers began upgrading their resume's.

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